I'm thinking that maybe my ads on the vanilla dating sites have been too sedate. Maybe I shouldn't be so shy to hide the debauched, wild, alternative side of me. The side I want someone to recognize because of his own inclination. And I don't just mean submissive.
I want someone who can see the tattoo I haven't gotten yet. See it on my right shoulder, or my left calve (I haven't decided). Know that it's in my veins, running purple and yellow ink. Or see the piercings I never got, except in my ears (actually, I have 5, so....). The bohemian punk I was, that is still in me, age and all.
Maybe I should change my ad that now reads, "I'd like to meet someone who can make me laugh out loud, but also have moments of quiet and intimacy. It's all about give and take and balance...". Bullshit! It's about YOU taking ME to do with whatever you want!
But, I don't say that. It's match.com, for chrisesake. I make nice over there. I make nice and boring. Here's the one thing I say that remotely eludes to the truth, "I'll try just about anything (except maybe extreme sports - but I love to watch!)." I DO love to watch. But the sport I'm watching is slow and languid and solitary, with me spying in the corner, dripping hot, wet down my thighs.
Where's the freak I long for? Covered in tattoos and filled with existential angst. Pretty language and dark corners for me to stand in until I'm good. Don't be afraid of me, or intimidated. Take me down the notch I need, and sometimes go there with me. Hold my hand and look into my eyes until I drown in you. I want to drown in you.
What if I changed my ad to say really what I want. To say, "I'm looking for the man who can take me places I've never been. Who can, with a look, drive me to my knees in service to him. Knowing it's what I want and need." I wonder if match.com would banish me.
But, really. How can I meld both the straight and narrow, clean and composed with the slut, the wild girl? I know how I do it in life, but how can I do it in words? Can it be summed up in a paragraph? Maybe I can just throw in little teases like include in my interests, along with poetry and film, rope and spanking?
Or should I just admit it's over and be done? Retire to Florida and buy a yippy little dog to live with me in a condo with a view of the pool?
I simply don't know if I can go on another boring, meet-and-greet date with a stranger. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
I apologize for the pitiful quality of this post. It's all I got.
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4 comments:
I say fuck it. Have your vanilla profile, ask for the vanilla guys, and then make up a more, say, Rocky Road type-profile, and see what you get. Life's too short to not be happy. And hey, it'll be fun to see how long before you get banned, maybe you can see if you can set a record.
By the way, you're an excellent writer, and all of a sudden, I'm sad May is over and done with. Best wishes :D
my friend, I wouldn't call it pitiful, I'd call it honest. Yes, why not put some of those things in your ad? that the wild one in your soul is waiting for someone to help her come out?
please don't quite looking, it will happen. Now as to how picky you are, that, I might suggest, perhaps needs toning down a bit.
E
Casey - thanks for the compliment and for stopping by. I think that's a good idea, though. Maybe make up a different profile and see what happens.
E - yeah, I'll think of something to throw in there that eludes to my wilder side. And, I don't think I'm picky, frankly. I spent 10 years living someone I loved deeply, and was settling for because it wasn't the right match. I'm never going to do that again.
Eve
I have to correct myself because I'm a stickler for grammar and spelling and it's my mistake. I mean to say, "alludes to my wilder side."
Eve
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