The Fastest Women Around

In the Intelligencer section of this weeks New York magazine, actor Justin Theroux is quoted as saying he believes New York women to be fast. "...girls who are really from here, are the fastest women around."

I'm curious about this. They don't tell us why he thinks this is, just that he does. He says, "If she ditches you to meet some guy named Marco, she's from New York." What?

"They were all at Danceteria and dating 30-year-olds when they were 14." What?
(Note - Danceteria was a club that closed in '86.)

Now, I realize this may have all been said tongue-in-cheek or he may be truly casting aspersions on NYC women. I don't know. But, I don't necessarily disagree with him. My readers know that I'm close to approaching sonic-speed myself.

But, why shouldn't our sex lives, such as they are, reflect the real life, fast paced, chaotic reality we face every day? Alone! (We are talking about single women, here.)

We weave and bob like nobody's business just to negotiate a sidewalk from one end to the next. In heels. We endanger our lives every time we cross the street (as often as not, against the light). We rush to get to the front of the line for the cashier at anything from our favorite cosmetic store to buying a bottle of water at Duane Reade (because if you don't rush at Duane Reade, you'll be spending more than a dollar for that water - time is money!). We compete with the guys to get the good job, the nice office, the better salary, even the preferred apartment! All while trying to date said guys. Life is lived in double-time here in "the greatest city in the world", so wouldn't it make sense that our sex lives would have to follow the pace?

But, agreement doesn't help me to understand why he thinks "native" New York women are faster than others. I know many transplants, not the least of which our own Chelsea girl, who have lived here long enough to qualify for that distinction and could put many native girls to shame with the speed with which they've traversed the sexual frontier that is New York City.

It sounds to me like he thinks that if you're a girl who was born and raised in New York, you're innately promiscuous. Was there a vaccine of some kind given at birth? Is it in the school curriculum? Is it in our famously delicious and cleanest water in the country (please note this IS said tongue-in-cheek)? Does it matter if you're a Yankees or a Mets fan?

I invite you to read this piece and let me know if there's something between the lines that I'm missing. Something that can tell me why Mr. Theroux thinks that I, a proud and extremely city-centric, New York snob of a woman, am faster than the average American woman.

Can he spot one? "No...you can only tell that after talking for about fifteen minutes. By then, they’re usually bored and have seven other places to go."

I would suggest you take that, maybe, a little personally, Mr. Theroux. Since we're apparently traveling close to the speed of light, as you suggest, our precious attention can only be spared for someone worthwhile.