Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Last Hoorah

Tomorrow is the last day of May. Hence, the last day of Merry Masturbation Month. I hope everyone has celebrated appropriately and often. There's so many variations on that theme, it's almost endless. The ways and means are as plentiful as there are people who do it (which is everyone, right?).

I thought in honor of the end of the holiday, I'd link to some of my favorite posts about masturbation (and by that I mean, the posts that make me touch myself) by some of my favorite bloggers. (Okay, and one of mine. A little shameless self-promotion.) This isn't by any means an exhaustive list, but these are the ones that have lingered in my mind.

Enjoy the posts and enjoy yourself. It's good for you.

Dirtyboy's invitation
Someday I'll be spying on him from the doorway. mmmmm....

AAG's Spread
Oh, to be on those stairs, waiting to pounce.

Gracie's Sharp Edge
Make me the fly on her wall.

Chapter 1 of a novella by Remittance Girl
You can't read just one.

Climb into my head

Sunday, May 27, 2007


What can be said of a fuck that is so dull as to be non-existent. As if it didn't happen. Except, it did happen and I came away feeling my needs not met AND wanting even more than I started.

The not-so-long, somewhat-sordid, no-cliff-hanger story, is this. Yesterday afternoon I got home from visiting some family after having found out the friend who is to visit me this weekend said she's now coming the next day instead (she still has not arrived, by the way, but that's another story in frustration left to the realm of putting-up-with-your-best-friends-foibles). So, I thought to myself, "I am very horny with nothing to do. Maybe I can find someone to fuck me." So, I put an ad on craigslist that said the following (if, by some stretch you actually recognize this ad, then I guess all I can say is boo! you found me).

Idle Hands - Don't they say idle hands do the devils work? So be it. I'm horny and picky and free tonight. My weekend company delayed their arrival till tomorrow, so I find myself with idle hands.

You're between 35 and 45, handsome, tall and fit (fit enough is good too, I'm not a complete perfectionist - as I'm not perfect, either) confident, unattached (or unattached enough so that you're not looking over your shoulder), and lean towards dominance.

I'm in my 40's, attractive and fit (again, fit enough). I'm more submissive and prefer to be with someone who can take the lead. I also have a preference for younger men, as I'm youthful myself.

I'm intelligent, thoughtful and articulate. We don't have to debate world affairs or the global economy, but it would be nice if we could communicate on a fairly equal level. I find that helps in all arenas.

You have a place we can meet as my place is ready for company and I'm not messing with that. You're willing to talk on the phone for a bit (about what we plan to do - if we can't discuss it in graphic detail on the phone, it's a lost cause)and then meet for a drink to make sure it's a fit. You won't be pissy if I find it's not, as I won't be if you don't.

You must send a photo and it has to be recent. If you send me something from 10 years ago and then we meet and you clearly don't look like that, expect me, and I mean it, to get up and walk out. I may be submissive, but I'm picky as hell. If you're not confident about the way you look, you should work on that. Not on me.

Okay, now you're thinking, "Man, this gals a bitch." Let's just say I've done this on-line thing off and on for the past however long and I know the pitfalls.

If you're for real and have taken the time to read my post and think you and I are a fit, then I hope to hear from you.

I got numerous responses, not all of them ridiculous. In fact, many quite thoughtful from clearly intelligent men who were interested in having some fun with an equally intelligent and terminally horny woman. I started conversation with one man who turned out to be 25. I said, you're lovely, but no thank you. A few sent photos that didn't interest me and others sent responses that showed they hadn't really read my ad beyond the first line.

And then I got one from a 38 year old man who had clearly read my ad. He was the only one, the ONLY ONE!, out of, at this point, about 25 responses, who even mentioned that he was dominant. The others seem to have overlooked that in their quest for "hot sex". So, we e-mailed a bit about sex and the vagaries of on-line hooking up, spoke on the phone briefly and decided to at least get together for a drink and see where it went. I figured at the least, I'll have had something to do other than clean out my closets (that was Plan B).

So, Steve (I'll call him Steve) and I met for a drink. Ended up having 2 and a snack (I hadn't had dinner) and then went back to his place. So far, not bad. He wasn't my prince charming, but we communicated well and I thought we could have some fun. What I didn't know (this is like the part where the audience has more information than the contestants) was that prior to our meeting up, he had already had a few beers. Then he had 2 when we were together. The man did not seem drunk in any way.

At his place (which smelled of smoke - I smoke, but not inside and can't stand it) we chatted on the couch for a while. Then he kissed me and we started in on the main event. His kisses were fine, nothing earth shattering, but not like water-works either. His hands groped me nicely, with confidence and conviction and a goal in mind. He reached his goal quickly and, having negotiated my skirt easily, slipped a finger, then two, underneath my panties to find my very definitely wet cunt. Wet, and at that point, a little greedy. I pushed up to meet those fingers and he slipped inside. I love that rush. That first feeling of fullness and pressure. I breathed a sigh of relief and pleasure. He fingered me a bit and then, clearly not able to contain himself, got on his knees on the floor before me, pulled my panties aside, and replaced his fingers with his tongue. Quite honestly, this was when I started to wonder what was happening.

His approach, and I don't mean just getting on his knees to lick me, was not that of a dominant. But, even though a little wave of disappointment went through me, I thought, well at least I'll get fucked. He licked me for some time and his technique was decent. A little sloppy and not very focused, but okay. After a bit he lifted himself off the floor and came back beside me on the couch and we kissed some more and I reached for his pants to undo them. Honestly, at this point, I could have cared less about what I might find there, but it was the obligatory next move, so I made it.

Having wrested his cock from his pants, my disappointment took a turn for the confirmed when I found him to be soft. Soft, soft, not semi-hard soft. Okay, I thought, well maybe he isn't that fond of cunnilingus, and his enthusiasm a moment before was a fiction.

"Make me hard, baby." Right. So, I dug in with my hand, then my mouth and succeeded in making him hard. "Oh, I want to fuck you." Okay, well let's give it a go, I thought. I got up to go to my bag and grab a condom, and remove my skirt and panties and, dear sympathetic reader, by the time I returned the 5 feet back to the couch, he was again soft.

What? He groaned with frustration as I put on my smilie face and began, again, to work my magic. Succeeded well enough, put on the condom and by the time he was at the entrance to my cunt, he was soft again. This was becoming, well, annoying. And I now was not wet. Wet for what?

We moved to the bedroom (smokey and not so great, but at least he had a 1 bedroom). I didn't think it mattered at this point, but he apparently thought it would help. I won't walk you through the repetition of the above. I'll cut to the chase - eventually, he was hard enough to enter me, and fuck me, and come. End of story. No, really, end of story. I, of course, did not come. How on earth could I have? He did pull my hair a bit and slapped my bottom a couple of times during his aerobic effort. Which I suppose is what kept me from drying up completely.

I left not long after and took the subway home. I almost took a cab, but realized, even at 3:00 in the morning, I wanted to sit on the train. Maybe it was my penance. And, spending money on a cab would have felt like I had just paid for something and gotten ripped off. I looked at some of the other single women on the train and wondered if we could start a support group for the unsuccessfully fucked.

There is no moral to this story, I think. I want there to be, though. I want to think I've learned something through this. But, really, all I can conjure is the image of myself shaking a finger at myself and saying, "I told you so." This wasn't a bad, yucky experience. It was simply dissatisfying and, luckily, I can see the humor in it.

I guess if I were to come away with some nugget of truth or some warning for the future it would be this - sometimes, nothing really is better than something.

Friday, May 25, 2007

House Afire

Will you save me, Mr. Fireman? Can you save me from myself? From the thoughts running around in my head, like hamsters on a wheel in a cage?

Make me your slut. Pull me and push me, shape me and mold me to be your whore. When I hear your voice, I react with wetness, slowness, an inability to focus. I whisper to you, unable to speak clearly from the place I now inhabit. Your place. Your space where my will is yours.

Up against the wall, your body pressed hard against my back, your hands moving over me, slowly and quickly, finding the places they long to rest. Pull my shirt up over my breasts. Grab a nipple and with slow, progressive, savage pressure, sink me into your lair. Where you know I'm yours, unequivocally.

I'm on my knees for you, before you. Your hand grips my hair, a big handful tight and sharp pulls me closer to you. Pressed against my lips, your damp cockhead pushes into where it belongs. My mouth, my throat, I gag as you push in and out of me, looking down at me growling, smiling as I struggle to please you, and breathe.

Discipline me. Punish me for transgressions great and small. Or because you know it will keep me where you want me. Dripping and compliant. Your strong hand on my ass, pelting me into obedience.

In the finally without end, behind me, not gently, you fill me and fill me and satiate my hunger for you. I have begged for you. Please, let my cunt gorge on you. Push my walls to their needy limit. There is no overdose, there's never too much even as I scream and shudder and my body tenses and relaxes into the pleasure that surrounds your cock and pulls from it your last thrust and quake as you spill your passion into me, and into me, and into me.

Will you save me, Mr. Fireman? Can you carry me down from my burning desires? Rescue me from my need for you to have me, save me, own me.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Picasso's Women

It would certainly take more than a post on a blog to discuss the women in Picasso's life and art, but I went this evening to a poetry reading focusing on Picasso and his painting, Les Demoiselles D'Avignon. Poets read from work written around the same time as Demoiselles was painted in 1907, 100 years ago. We heard work by Andres Breton, Apollinaire, Baudelaire, Gertrude Stein, Max Jacob, and others. It was wonderful and inspiring.

As is the painting. He was a notorious misogynist and many of his depictions of women are less than flattering. They reflect his obvious conflict between his love of women and his anger at them, or even hatred of them. But, he painted them, sometimes lovingly. Always in tremendous detail and with an eye like no other.

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Relative Silence of the Uninspired

I've been absent, of late, from adding anything to the logs here. Well, it feels that way. I haven't been inspired. Also, I've been busy with work, the beach (I'm very busy at the beach drinking margaritas and taking in the sun), trying ever to get to the gym or yoga or both, and now I may have a sore throat. Or, it may be stress. Whatever the case, I'm not 100%.

And, more importantly, I have not had sex in over 2 months. Nothing. Not a touch, a squeeze, a kiss. I don't think even a glance. Well, I haven't glanced. I've had a number of disastrous dates, one not disastrous but not pursued either (meaning he disappeared), some uneventful e-mail exchanges, and that's about it. No sex, not even the promise of it. In fact, it could be light years away. It could be never. It could be a thing of the past, a dream, a wish, a spectre of something once lived and now passed into only the realm of memory.

I'm very dramatic.

The result of all this (including the drama) is that there is no result. There is no salacious story to ignite a flame under me and besot you. I've tried. I've read others blogs (see my list of lovelies to your left) in hopes something will stir my imagination. It's wonderful stuff and I love to stay up to date with what these sexy writers are saying, but it hasn't elicited anything from me. (Even AAG's orgy! My God, that girl is a role model, for sure.)

I should add that sex is still on my mind. Oh yes, very much on my mind. It is, don't forget, Merry Masturbation Month, and I have been celebrating as much as imagination and energy have allowed. But, even there, creativity has been mostly absent and I'm relying on the old "stand-by" scenarios to reach that point of saturation.

Call it a slump, I suppose. A slump or a pit, either will do. I have fallen into it and don't know how or when I'll either extricate myself or someone (oh, the knight I've dreamt of since I was 7 years old) will drag me out. Hopefully by my hair, with a good strong tug and few a words about my slutty self needing some discipline for ending up in a pit. Now, that would inspire.

Monday, May 14, 2007

One more, again

One swift smack
and I gush hot
pushing up
into the hand
crying out
wanting more

slow slaps
and my legs
are pools
of steaming

one more, again
my skin
burns like
wood on a fire
I open
to the heat

and then
the push
push in
in harder
and deeper
full, oh

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

50 Strange Questions....

I saw this on a friends blog on myspace and thought it was fun.

1. What is your best friend's Dad's name?
I honestly don't know (although I have known) he's dead and I never had the chance to meet him.

2. What is your least favorite holiday?
Mothers Day

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
Mr. Bernstein - 6th grade

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?

5. What body part do you wash first?

6. Do you have any piercings?
ears - 4

8. Is your driveway steep?
I have no driveway

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?

10. Have you ever been tied up?
oh yes

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?

14. How many times have you been cursed at?
a few, but not too many (hey, I'm a nice gal!)

15. Which shoe do you put on first?
whichever one is closest

16. How old are you?
Wouldn't YOU like to know. ;)

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
of course

18. Have you ever had any Friends with Benefits?

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
not that I can quickly identify

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or Frogging?

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
no-one in particular, really

23. Have you ever had a song written about you?
yes (:

24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets or towels again which one would choose?
towels, because you are clean when you use them

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
Questionable meaning...? but yes, I suppose so.

26. What was your childhood nickname?

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
i play air guitar all day every day :D

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
Weird? Is being fingered weird?

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?

31. How do you normally eat your Oreo cookies?
I open them up and eat the cream first, then the cookie. Yes, I'm a kid at heart.

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others?
Isn't it weird, but I honestly can't think of anything. I'm not an open book, but...

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
Depends on the drink. Wine - 4 or more, Manhattans - 2, Martinis - 2 or 3

37. Why are you doing this survey?
I'm avoiding work

39. What did you do last night?
Went to a yoga class and got home in time to watch Heroes.

41. Do you have any strange phobias?
I love the ocean, love it! But, I prefer to be beside it, or even in it, than on it. I don't like boating much.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
yes, when I was little I put a bead up my nose. Mom was not happy

43. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

45. Have you ever called your love interest by another girl/guys name?
not that I remember.

46. Have you ever gotten caught sleeping while on a date?
I don't know if I was caught, but I dozed a little at Don Giovanni. It's very long!

47. Have you ever played naked twister?

48. Have you ever been drunk at work/school?
Not out and out drunk, but buzzed, yes, work.

49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister to be hotter than your date?

50. How many Bryce's do you know?

Well, that was fun!

Saturday, May 5, 2007


I'm excited about this show coming up on Showtime. I like David Duchovny. His flat affect, sort of cynical delivery appeals to me. Also, there's a really funny spot they're showing in the commercial for it. It goes something like this -

After noticing and commenting to her father, the character played by David Duchovny, that there's a naked woman in his bed, daughter says -

"She has no hair on her vagina. Do you think she's okay?"

Father, in response -

"I don't know. I'll check."

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Good Night and Good Luck

For the last few months I've had an ad on It's been an interesting journey, one I don't necessarily want to repeat. My account expires on May 9 and I'm not going to renew. I've taken my picture off of my profile and written a little good-bye note. It is, as you would imagine, a little acerbic. But, hey, what do you expect from the Mother of humanity who can't find a good date to save her life.

Here's what I had to say -

Update: My account here expires on May 9 and I'm not going to renew it. The last few months have been, um, interesting. I haven't found what I'm looking for and anyway, the summer is here. Before I go, I have a few suggestions I'd like to make to the Doms. They'll probably piss you off, but just imagine how I feel after some of the responses/dates I've had from here. Read on and maybe you'll understand.

Suggestions -

* Don't lie about your age.
* Don't send 10 year old pictures and then expect, when you meet her, that she'll stay for dinner.
* If you don't have a picture, be honest about what you look like, not what you looked like 10 years ago.
* Don't expect her to look like Pamela Anderson, or some such, and yet you are balding AND have never been to a gym AND have a pot get my point. It's fucking insulting and the frequency with which this happens is alarming. Do you think I work my ass off (literally) to look good for a schlub? I do not. I realize we're not all blessed with good genes, but a little effort goes a long way.
* Don't expect her to be your slave the moment the drinks arrive at your table. Maybe you exchanged numerous e-mails and spoke on the phone and feel you have a "deep" connection, but the truth is you just sat down face-to-face. If any of the above points are true, well... But, even if you're Adonis, don't expect it to happen. Even in the D/s world, relationships develop. If you want her (read: my) submission, you have to earn it.

Herein ends the diatribe. Good luck.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Happy Merry Masturbation Month

Apparantly, May is Merry Masturbation Month. I learned this from the lovely Shay at The S Spot. What fun!

April was National Poetry Month, so I tried to read a poem everyday. I didn't always succeed, but I was in the spirit of the thing. Just think of the possibilities for May! Makes me glad I work at home.

Maybe I should celebrate by buying a new toy? I've been thinking I need one of these to enhance my self-stimulation. I've never used one or had one used on me. Although the desire is there, the opportunity hasn't presented itself. I've had other things, both corporeal and silicone, inserted, to great affect, into my bottom, but not something with the intention of keeping it there. So, I think this is the perfect excuse to run out and buy one (or order one, whatever).

In any case, Happy Merry Masturbation to all! And to all a good cum!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go celebrate.