Warning: The following entry is not a story. It's just me.
This seems to have gone the way of all things internet – ADD, lose interest and move onto something new, too busy to pick up the phone or drop you a note, really just disinterested disappeared. *sigh*
It’s so discouraging. And exhausting. I am finally tired of it all. I didn’t think this day would come. I thought my libido would keep me aloft, floating from fuck to fuck, then “real” dating in the hopes of something genuine (with some fucking to keep me satisfied in between).
But, really, now I’m tired of it all. The searching on sites, kink and vanilla, for someone who’s words and face appeal. Sending a note, maybe getting one back. Then, back and forth with that, then on to “real” e-mail, then maybe a phone call or two, then a coffee or a drink, then what? Whatever – a fuck or two, maybe a date or two more, then oblivion.
Am I less randy and ready to go? Oh no. If only. It would make this so much less of a let down. I still, everyday, wake up and spend the day with that slight edge of a tingle in my cunt. Tingle isn’t quite the right word, though. It’s more of a tension, a sweet tension, a slight pulling of the lips. Maybe that’s a swelling. A dampness, always. I could, at any time, masturbate, and often do in the middle of the day, and again at night.
But, it’s this I’m also sick of. Bored with my own hands and toys. While fun, and satisfying (for a minute) it cannot compare to the real thing. A real, pulsing, hot cock plunging in and out of me in all the various orifices possible. Nothing can compare to that.
And then, of course, there’s the rest of it that can only come from someone with a shared predilection. The rope, the clips, the spanking, the degradation. Again, there’s only so much I can make up in my head (well, actually, I guess it’s endless with the help of my friends here in the blogosphere). I want someone else’s fantasies imposed on me. I want to be made to indulge someone in his wildest dream and then become, in his mind, associated with that dream as the person who made it come true. That would turn me on more than anything I can make up in my dirty, slutty mind.
But, alas, he is beyond reach until I can muster up some energy or, at the least, become so distracted by my insistent cunt that unless I get fucked I will be financially affected by my inability to work.
Or, maybe, I just need a drink and a smoke and to chill the fuck out. Until tomorrow, anyway, when it starts all over again.
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6 comments:
Keep up the search. It's worth it. But I agree, I had a profile on aol for years that drew a lot of mail, an ad in a spanking magazine, and I did have a lot of fun, and some serious heartbreaks.. .but it was a long time before I found someone who even partially suited me.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, edward.
Eve
It's worth knowing that if you continue to write a sex blog, then the offers will come in to you. The mere act of having a regularly maintained sex blog makes your readers want you, and you'll be able to give up all that searching, you can just wait for them to come to you. Obviously you'll need to keep your head on your shoulders to weed out the nutters, but I doubt there's a single regular sex blogger out there who doesn't have sex pretty much instantly available to them, should they choose to take it. Just sit back, write dirty stuff, and the dirty emails and IM invites will start to come, I promise you! So yes, chill out and have fun with the blog, your time will come!
Roger, thanks for the encouragement. I figure if nothing else, writing this stuff out will keep me libidinous.
Eve
At one point in my marriage I wasn't getting nearly the kind or frequency of sex I wanted. It depressed me for awhile till I ran across people who had been in similar situations who had given up. They had turned off their sex drives. I, being horny and unsatified, thought they would be happier. Instead I found their lives bleak and full of despair. Life was just all the non-fun bits for them.
So in a round about way, I'm trying to tell you to relish your dissatisfaction. Keep waking up with that tingle. Use it to write, use it keep looking and use it to reaffirm the kind of sexual being you are. Take your boredom and play with it. Keep yourself primed and willing for when you do meet the person you need.
Shon, thanks. That's really good advice. I'm not a fan of complacency and try to stay clear of it. I've found, too, that reading all the wonderful blogs out there (including yours, of course) helps to keep me on the edge. I kinda like it. ;)
Eve
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