Monday, July 30, 2007

OverExposure

Lately I've been thinking about exposure. I've been thinking about how excited I get, butterflies-in-my-belly, swollen and wet, little impish smile excited when I either think about or, better yet, am asked to expose myself. This could be any degree of exposure. As open as fully undressed, legs spread, examination. Or as subtle as standing before my viewer, with my legs only slightly apart. And, anything in between. I am, once again, somewhat shocked at myself. I spent many prudish years not wanting to be seen at all. Practically no part of my body, no less my cunt! And now I crave it to be seen.

I know that there are lots of exhibitionists, with varying degrees of and desires for exposure. Some have to get it in public. Like the subway for example. I read somewhere that the R train in NYC has the highest rate of flashers, so depending on your mood, you may or may not want to take the R. Or in a park, or just walking down the street. I don't mind this, necessarily. I've progressed enough in my sexual education (and debauchery, of course) to be able to shrug off a cock being pulled out for the owners gratification. It's not exciting to me, but whatever. I've never been flashed by a woman. I'm waiting for that day!

I have no need to flash in public. Recently I was e-mailing and IM'ing with a man (whom I had a very boring date with so you'll not be hearing of him again) who proceeded to tell me of his fantasy to have me out with him, no panties, short skirt, on a bar stool, flashing other men in the bar...I don't need to finish. You get the gist of it. I don't find this exciting. I don't want to randomly flash men in a bar. I want the intimacy that comes with close, physical proximity. I want to see, not shock and delight from some guy who thinks he's seeing something he shouldn't, but excitement in the eyes of the beholder. Excitement and lust. Lust and want. Then need. A need to touch.

Recently I went out with a man who I met through craigslist. This man was the model for the subject in this story. He really did post an ad on CL similar to the one I describe in the story. And, I really did answer.

The story is fiction, based on fact. What did happen was dinner. A lovely dinner, on a hot summer night, at an outdoor cafe. We drank a bit, and talked a lot and flirted blatantly, both knowing what had brought us there. We talked around it. We talked about it. Moving towards some resolution, but we didn't know what.

I'm a little ashamed of what happened. A little ashamed, but also incredibly excited. The restaurant was emptying out and things were quieting down. After talking for some time about his "fetish" for large labia, and about my answer to his call (the only answer, by the way), he asked me if we should go into one of the small, unisex bathrooms. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to "see" me. I said yes.

After paying the bill, we headed for the restrooms and, luckily, they were both unoccupied. We went into the larger of the two and locked the door. And kissed. That was nice. And then, "Can I see?" I hesitated for a fraction of a second, knowing full well that his simple question had me excited. Damp.

I unzipped my jeans, locked my thumbs on the sides and, grabbing my panties on the way down, pulled my clothes to my knees. As I stood up, he squatted down and, for a minute, just looked at me. I spread my legs a little wider, so that he could see them. The dark, wrinkled flesh that was the object of his desire. Without taking his eyes from my pussy he asked if he could touch.

He moved a hand forward and immediately held onto my lips. Touching them and squeezing them, and making me moan. "Perfect", he said. "Just what I was looking for."

For a few moments he tugged and squeezed my labia, until he could see, I suppose, the reaction he was creating. He pushed one, then two fingers up in to me and, there, in a small, not entirely clean, cafe bathroom on the Upper East Side, I came as quietly as I could as a man I'd never met finger-fucked me with not a small degree of skill.

And I wonder, is this the extent to which I'll go to expose myself? Is this how great my need is that I'll allow myself to participate in something that, for most, would be considered abject, at the worst, undignified, at the least? Do I have to censor my actions so as to keep myself from falling lower into some pit of loathsome behavior?

Perhaps.

Admittedly, though, I think of this often. I dwell on it, the picture of it in my head, the feeling of it between my legs, the gasp as his fingers first touched my full, swollen lips. I think and I masturbate and I want to do it again. I want to show myself to someone who wants to see me. Who wants to appreciate what I'm giving him.

It is, I realize, an incredibly submissive act. To be asked to show my pussy to someone simply because it excites him to see it. And to comply. The reasons for excitement are myriad and I love that. It excites him not only to see my naked cunt, but he's aroused by simply asking. By my saying yes. And, maybe he sees, for that fraction of a second, my struggle with the request. And that adds to his arousal because he knows this is, even if only slightly, hard for me to do. And, he's excited because he knows I'm excited. He knows, perhaps, that this act of exhibitionism stirs something in me. He knows it and can see it made manifest in the moisture on his fingers as he fondles my lips.

I want to do it again. Maybe with the same man, who can get a better look next time. Or, maybe with another. Someone who, with maybe a little more understanding, can make his request in such a way as to imply it is not a request at all.

11 comments:

HSWLOVER said...

you are so sexy, and such a slut. I look forward to your opening yourself to all of us, with a picture, knowing that all over the world we will be stiffening, stroking, groaning.

And you will be seen.

n said...

Nothing quite like spreading your legs for someone and watching them stare. So freeing and SO arousing...

Jade the Fuck Toy said...

God, I loathe it when I'm asked to perform something in public.

This story really is erotic and I agree with hswlover. I'm going to be linking to you next time I fiddle with my sidebar!

Eve in Chains said...

It is freeing, n, I totally agree.

And, thanks E. You know me so well.

Thanks for fiddling for me, Jade. And for coming by. :)

Eve

The Provocateur said...

wow... i love the ideas that you are exploring in your blog. they're much the same that i began my erotica writing with; as an exploration; trying to understand my desires...

i love your verve and the vulnerabilities that ring-out in your writing. for me: anything less is really unacceptable, in person or in writing.

for me, there is a fine line between all dichotomies that illustrate the fluidity of life. between voyeurism and exhibitionism, as well as between dominance and submission. for me, being the exhibitionist in a situation - if taken with the kind of reverence that we would hope for - it can actually put you in a place of power; as the stimulant and only submissive to the situation as a whole - no less dominant than the other participant...

here's a quote i want to share, from steve almond: "Writing that doesn't feel dangerous on some level frankly isn't very interesting..."

Semi-Celibate Man said...

Little do we know what are needs fully are. What a gift you gave him. And him in return.

Great post.

Eve in Chains said...

Provocateur, thank you so much for your compliments and your thoughts. That quote is perfectly suited to how I feel about my writing, just now.

SCM - (can I call you SCM for short?) It is incredible how much I continue to learn about my needs and how they've changed. It's such a process.

Thanks.

Eve

wet & shy said...

ohhhh
being seen
this, this is what gets to me as well
and reading your words about how it makes you feel, your response to that gaze, the vulnerability that makes you gush and moan and writhe and come, coming, pleasure you can't hide
reading your words gives me that feeling
because somehow your vulnerability exposes my own

thank you so much

Karl Elvis said...

This post is incredibly hot. You're in my fantasy territory here in several ways; the sleazy setting, your submission.

My mouth is watering at the images, his fingers on you, your reactions.

Anonymous said...
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Paul said...

I told one person about this story a few months ago, and she found it.

It's just as hot as I remember it. I can't believe it was 3 years ago.